Virginia Wal-Mart Bans Bike Toting Cyclist

So I generally choose not to patronize walmart for several moral reasons...but today I was in desperate need of some CD-Rs so I could mail a file to my university and the only place anywhere near me that sells them is Wally world. So I grudgingly got on my bike and made the 4 mile ride on some pretty dangerous roads only to find that they have no form of bike rack whatsoever. That's typical for this area so I've become used to just taking my bike into fact I usually use the basket on the back as a shopping cart.

So I walk into the walmart and the most evil grandmother I've ever met grabs my arm with her claws and says I can't bring it into the store. I explained to here there was nowhere outside to lock it up and that I had brought it into that particular store with no problem. She insisted that I had to leave it in the foyer and I calmly said that I wasn't going to leave a 600 dollar bike just sitting in the foyer and that I'd like to speak to her manager.

So the manager comes out and says I can't bring the bike into the store, so I explain to her that there are safe places for people who drive to lock their cars but there is no safe place for me to lock my mode of transportation. She says that I should have driven there I told her that I didn't own a car and that my bike was my only form of transportation and I couldn't risk having it stolen. She said I couldn't bring it in because they sell bikes in the store. So I said but those bikes don't look anything like this and this is clearly not a brand new bike, so why is that a problem. She insisted that for the safety of the other customers I couldn't bring it inside, so I asked her why she thought a bike controlled by an adult was more dangerous than a shopping cart being pushed around by someone's bratty kids. So she switched back to the excuse that they sell bikes in the store so I couldn't bring another bicycle in. I was starting to get really frustrated since I had ridden all the way there seemingly for no reason, so I asked her if they also sold shirts in the store. She said yes so I took off my jersey and said well then I'd better not bring this in either. She got kind of flustered and said that it was a different situation but couldn't explain why. So I said that if they also sold shorts in the store that I'd better not wear those in either and I took off my shorts. Same goes for the shoes and sunglasses. Now I'm standing there in my spandex and a sports bra and I ask here if I can leave my things behind the customer service counter where they will be safe until I finish making my purchases and she said that I couldn't come into the store without shoes on, to which i responded "but I certainly can't wear shoes into the store because you sell those here and someone might think I've stolen them." She threatened to call security if I didn't leave so I told her that I would never be coming back to that store again and that I was glad I hadn't driven there since the gas to go four miles was probably more expensive than what her underpaid employees make in an hour.

Her expression when the shirt came off was absolutely priceless...I was pretty tempted to take off the spandex too but I wasn't sure what constitutes indecent exposure in Virginia so I figured I'd err on the side of caution. Still I had a decent sized crowd gathered before the end of the discussion. Anybody else have issues with Satan's superstore?



Ed W said...

That was an outstanding bit of theater! You deserve the Five Easy Pieces Award.

Patience_Crabstick said...

Awesome. I can't believe she told you that you "should" have driven. What is that supposed to mean? I wish I could have seen the look on her face too.

Anonymous said...

get over yourself. not too many stores of any kind would let you wheel a bike through the isles. why single out wal mart?

The Upstart said...

Awesome! Oh, how I wish there was video of this.

Surly there's a local cub reporter that would be interested in further roasting the manager of this store? You must pass this story along to the media!

Anonymous said...

Man, if some old lady laid her hands on me, she would have gotten the death stare. But you should have just shopped, and let them call the police. No crime they can charge you with, other than trespassing.


Tree hugging said...

Yeah, that's pretty awesome. Nice work.

I wonder if there's anyway to get a county ordinance requiring stores to either provide bikeracks, or permit their entry? Would it pass legal muster?

Anonymous said...

Oh give me a break!


What's next, vespas, maybe your motorcycle? Oh wait, that's just silly.

Find a bike a rack and walk...Wow, walking, there's a new idea.

Sounds like you need to learn some respect.

Anonymous said...

pics, or it didn't happen!

Bad Wolf said...

I love it! You are my hero. Wal-de-Mart is telling people they should drive and how to vote!

And they don't sell bikes at Wal-de-Mart. They sell "Bike-Shaped-Objects" aka BSOs. Dangerous and scary.

Anonymous said...

"for moral reasons."

And your 'morals' collapsed like a cheap card table when you actually needed something.

Another free-market hater that spouts off about the evils of big business box stores but shops there to save his own hide.


Anonymous said...

Maybe Wal-Mart should have a bike rack, but you acted like a spoiled brat when you started taking off your clothes.
That "grandmother" should have turned you over her knee and given your spandexed bottom such a spanking you would have to have walked your bike home!

Janice @ Mom On The Run said...

I'm not sure removing all of your clothes was the most mature way of handling the situation - I might have used the example that people bring strollers into the store, yet they sell strollers there... But anyways, I'm sure you made a great point. Saving the environment starts one person at a time, and I'm glad to see that you've started. I've been known to cycle my 2 kids to the grocery store in my bike trailer.